Welcome to Fandom Friday, where I talk about something or someone that I like and why you should too. This week I will simply be writing about trampolines.
You may be asking yourself, why the hell am I going to sit here and read a blog on a bouncy mat that is targeted on children? That’s exactly why you’re going to read this blog. It’s targeted toward children. That little desire inside of you to keep jumping higher and higher and push the boundaries of “how many flips can I do in one jump” is burning the depths of your soul right now.
To quote the movie Role Models, “You can’t BS a BS’er”. Everybody that ever set foot on a trampoline ever in the history of ever asked themselves the same questions and said the same things. “I want to see how high I can jump”, “I want to learn how to do a front flip”, “how is this an Olympic sport?”, and eventually it elevated to “check this out. I’m going to do a two thirds back flip with a misty turn then follow it up a seven twenty head-spinning, back-kicking, fist-pumping hoorah to the heavens where I will then grab this tree branch and land on one finger and hoist myself into another flip but slightly turn to the left where I will land on my stomach (but it won’t hurt because, duh, I’m on a tramp and I’m awesome like that) and it will shoot me into what I like to the Star Spangled Bad-Assery.
Everyone had those moments. And in those moments, I would have to guess that a large portion of the time, we were showing our parents and they were FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!! Afterwards, they said it was “coooool”…
Bull Ma. Bull. When I was in mid air, I hit slow-mo mode and I caught a glimpse of your face. You looked so scared, you almost looked constipated so bad that you were crying and cringing onto dad’s arm who you could tell was thinking, “Oh great, another trip to the ER”. He thought it looked cool though and he meant it when he said it. You just looked like you took a rhino horn to the sphincter in the tookus.
But hell, that was childhood! That was fun! What the hell happened? Every time we walk by a trampoline, a little bit of us dies. For those of us that remembers how much fun we used to have and just look at it, without at least getting on to jump higher and higher (even without the daredevil stunts), our child weeps as it dies inside of us.
Shit, when was the last time you even jumped on your bed? Forget your spouse!! Let them look at you like you’re a nut case!! JUMP ON BOARD MY MOVEMENT!! LET YOUR CHILD PLAY!!!!! For fuck’s sake, they didn’t do anything to deserve the miserable death they are dying inside of you and your terrible adult shaped body! Let them play! Let them have some life! Who cares what other people think! What is the worst thing that will happen to you?! Oh, you got a dumb look? Boo fucking hoo, so sorry you had your feelings hurt. AT LEAST NOW YOU CAN SAY YOU HAD SOME DAMN FUN TODAY!! You actually LIVED today. Even for just a moment, for just a second, you seized that moment and you will smile and laugh the rest of the day because you made your inner child happy. That child doesn’t go away. Keep jumping, keep having fun, keep living for you, living in the moment.
Go through the window.
What The Voices Tell Me To Say 